Jessica Emmett

Here are some of the photos from my trip:

After Adam left the real work began. I was joined by two other Chinese adult adoptees from the USA. Mother’s Choice put on a on so many event for us plus the two art workshops I was due to co-lead. We did many talks and Q&As. I know I wont be able to list all the events, but here have been some of the most memorable:

Q&A at Chinese International School (parents and teachers) – After all the talks I’ve done with parents, this has to be the most intersting for me. The reason is that in general most parents that have adopted have the same concerns… and the same questions are asked, to a point where a good book should be written (though no doubt I’m sure there is one already). Cos we were talking to parents that actually had teen adoptees they actually asked harder and more interesting questions… the reason is a lot of the time people think of adoptees as children… the truth is we grow up =P. I dont think anyone has asked me what it’s like for me as an adoptee now I moved away from home and maybe where my support system is then… maybe one day someone will be brave enough to ask =P.

Screening of Tickets (Chinese film) – A new fictional film made by adoptees about adoption was extremely moving, while using beautiful landscapes to look at a tracing story. I very rarely let my mind wonder about my birthmother, but after it finished Iheard a lot of snivels and sniffs from the audience… waiting for it to come out on DVD.

Meeting the pregnant teens – part of Mother’s Choice host housing for pregnant girls. Three of us meet with about 12 of them and told our stories. They were a little shy, but they asked many questions and allowed us to also ask personal questions. I was surprised at how young some of them were… and especially at the openness of the centre that housed them… they explained their “options” and adoption did not have to be the finial outcome, which i totally agree with and respect. It was just one of those moving moments. Birthmothers are very often forgotten past the initial adoption, and it was a touching reminder to me.

Workshops – I felt in my element. Even though I can talk the ear of most people, seeing kids be creative was just he icing on the cake of a long and emotional trip. I was amazed how open the families were about their adoption and how they handled some quiet complex issues without the workshops. Also it was the first time in the whole trip that I was able to see the children that the whole event was focused around, it just made the Festival more real for me. Also it was interesting to to co-lead the workshops with another creative Chinese adoptee writer.

Meeting my social worker – Though some random events I ended up being put in touch with the social worker that delt with mine and my sisters adoption. She remembered me and my sister and parents… amazing. Just before my trip I’d put in my request to root trace… of couse there was a lot of info that she could not remember… and she knew nothing about my birthmother… but she helped me fill in the context of the time & history I was adopted, the situation with Vietnamese refugees and adoption within HK. She also made me think about the situation of some of the Vietnamese refugee women given birth to children… pretty much what I had thought, but now realized in a little more detail. During Adoption Festival I learnt that these days there was really only a handful of adoptions to the UK from HK (as a posed to from china). I was shocked, but they only do hard to place children overseas from hk to the UK these days, and most healthy children are domestically adopted which is quiet a contrast to international adoption from the Mainland. I would have counted as domestic since my parents lived there at the time.

I haven’t been able to totally take in the trip. I met so many people and learnt so many new things about adoption. I have really had a burst of new ideas for projects and workshops… and I was so thrilled Mother’s Choice decided to invite me to their historic event.

After delays, fire alarms at Heathrow airport and being terrified of flying, I did make it to Hong Kong. The feeling when I stepped off the plan was like saying hello to an old friend, one which you’d not seen in ages. It was the first time I felt that I could breath again in my life, like I’d waited 10 years to feel this leave of comfort again.

Me and Adam (my husband) were picked up from the airport. It was night. The car had huge windows, and I just remember taking in all the lights from the buildings. It was like seeing a place I know well through fresh eyes… at the same time 10 years can really deteriorate ones memories, I had to claw to the corners of my mind to remember some of the places. Of course there were many new buildings, but the feeling of HK felt the same.

We arrived at mother Choice guest flats. It was in old colonial building, white, just how I remember these old buildings. The flat it’s self was just a typical hong kong flat, even down to typical fixtures to the smells and feel of the building. I was so thankful to stay in flat rather than a hotel. The flat over looked Central were all the main buildings are, yet it was peaceful. Me & Adam made it our little home for our time there.

The other great thing was that Mother’s Choice was right next to my old high school, Island School. I loved my high school… I wasn’t popular, if anything I prob was a pretty lax & laid back teen and probably not remembered by many, but my time there was some of the happiest of my life… there was a school spirit, a genuine feeling that they wanted us to find our strengths no matter in what form that manifested. I visited it, all the teachers I remember had mainly left… but really was surprised that it still felt the same, but some how updated for this century. The multi cultural aspect of the school always made me feel that it didn’t really matter what your ethnic background and allowed us to appreciate may different cultures. I realize now how sugar coated it all sounds, but honestly that’s how I feel. Especially when contrasted with the all girls grammar school that I attended when I moved to the UK, which was it’s totally opposite.

I was lucky enough to met up with a lot of old friends. I was surprised with how much I remembered.  Also nice to see where people have gone in 10 years. Somehow I remember my time in HK like it was yesterday. But most importantly I was able to have Adam met them. I have talked and talked and talked about my time, my friends and places in Hong Kong, yet I’ve never been able to share that with anyone from the UK. It was Adam’s first time in East Asia! His understanding of my origins has been vital to my adjustment to the UK and life in general… but now he’s seen it with his own eyes I really feel that we know each other on a whole new level.

Sadly Adam was only able to stay for a week. I did always tell him we’d need mini of 2 weeks on our first trip. But as he started a new job, it was hard to take that must time off. Thankfully he was able to go to some of the Adoption Festival events. I dragged him to the airport kicking and scream that he wanted to stay.

It was interesting to hear what Adam had to say about hk. He thought that language would be an issue, that he would not be able to get buy without knowing any chinese. But as he said, everything is sign posted in English, and everyone knows a basic amount to get around without any problems to a point where living in hk would actually be possible without many problems. It’s strange, cos I lived there until I was 16 and it was only when I got to the UK that I was like “oh my god, I can understand what everyone says” =P.

I definitely dont miss everyone assuming I speak Chinese. Though in the past, pre hand-over, if I spoken English I would sometimes get a very negative reaction. I was expecting that to still be the case, but I was very impressed to find people being more understanding with my now strong English accent. What I did miss was walking around and just blending with everyone and not sticking out.

Me and Kat managed to get in some site seeing, but not as much as I would have liked. One day I’ll be able to go back with kat and stay for a extended time =).

It was surreal coming back to the UK. A few feelings come flooding back about why it was so hard to leave hk all those years ago and some of the things that made it difficult…. yet at the same time I felt more at peace. I really needed to visit hk, like my soul needed it.

I literally have just got back from my trip from Ireland. I was only over for a day event run by Viet Irish Support who organized their first series of talks (in which I was one =P).

I was so nervous cos it was the first time I had really talked to this many parents that had adopted from Vietnam. The way this talk went was that most of the time was used for Q & A. I spoke after Dr Elmarie Egan-Sage a Counseling Chartered and Research Psychologist that talked about separation anxiety, bereavement/ loss of birthmother and family, self esteem & trust. It was a hugely enlightening to hear her talk and I really felt that doing my talk after was a lovely contrast between a more psychological view and a lived one. I think it was important for me to be as open and honest as possible… and funny enough, I thought I was going to have some much tougher questions asked… but in the end it just felt like I had a nice conversation with 70 other people =P.

It’s still a strange concept to me that a whole room full of adults (though I know I am an “adult” I’m still pretty on the young side) actually think that anything I say has some importances. As I’ve said at the beginning of this blog… I’m no expert in adoption… at the beginning of my talk I also said the same… The speaker after (Mary D Healy Chairperson Irish Chinese Contact Group) said that even though I didnt consider myself an expert, I am an expert in a sense purely from my experience as an older adoptee (since there are not many older Vietnamese Adoptees in Ireland that are accessible).

To be honest I think it is the same across all types of adoptions, that it can be hard to find people that are willing to openly discuss their experiences because totally, understandably it is a privet subject in a lot of cases. I think the main reason I am quiet comfortable about it is cos when I took that leap to actually explore adoption through my art, I realized that my work would most likely be viewed publicly… so I think somewhere down the line I lost my fear and embarrassment about talking about my adoption with even complete strangers… and of course after checking that is it is ok with my parents and sister since much of art/talks have something to do with them too.

This was the second time I have been to Ireland and to do a talk of this personal nature. Both times I was privileged to stay with some lovely families that had adopted from either China or Vietnam… and I’m sure I’ve made some little friends for life =D. It really just shows me how developed adoptive family support organizations have be come and what they have learnt from other generations of adoption… things like Life books, attitudes and understanding have really grown…
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Here are a few things that have got me thinking from todays events:

… So this is my message to anyone who has involved with adoption, be it adoptees, adoptive parents/families/friends or natural/birth families… speak up, cos there are a lot of willing and eager ears to listen.

– Friends can be a huge ally. Having someone outside your family support and understand you through your adoption journey can be extremely helpful. In my case my husband (a white British Yorkshire man =P) is so support of me which helps being all “grown up” and away from imedate family… and not just about his understand of adoption, but also with his genuine interest in Asian cultes, philosophies, realigion & even food… which makes me laugh cos he probably has a better knowledge then me =P.

– Cute adopted kids will grow up… =P I was a treible teenage…

– The languge we use can really change our attudes about the world, not even just from an adoption point of view… which in turn can help us inform the people around us that might know nothing about our situations. (Mardy D’s talk).

I have a trip coming up soon to Ireland in which I’ll be talking with families that have adopted from Vietnam. I’m actually very nervous since it’s not very often I meet people that have adopted from Vietnam.

I have done some talks over the past year with a group I’m involved with. We are a group of adopted girls from ages 13-30, mainly of Chinese decent, though based in the USA. So many of the talks I’ve done this year have been mainly focused around Chinese adoptees… this is the first Vietnamese focused talk I will do and it’s been on my mind.

It definitely has not been on my mind in a bad way, but more that I’ve been thinking about the different questions that might be asked… but especially that every time I do a talk I actually learn much more than the audience might think. I defiantly dont know all the answers and I’m still pretty young myself (26) and my opinions about adoption seem to change on a daily basis. The main things I’ve been thinking about today have been  my constant pulling between the fact I was born and grow up in Hong Kong with a Chinese culture and the fact that I am indeed Vietnamese.

I’ve only been back to Vietnam once in 1997 (when I was 15). It was on a school trip where I helped at an orphanage Called The Christina Noble Children’s Foundation. At the time I stupidly didn’t openly tell the teachers or a lot my peers that I was adopted from Vietnam (though they may have known). I’ve dug up some photos from that trip =).

I think the trip was very much needed. The hardest thing for me was to relate to the poverty in Vietnam compared to my very Westernized up bringing. And also a lot of the touresty type things to do at the time was very much related to the Vietnam War, which is a shame cos vietnam is not just about the wars it has had, and I wasn’t able to really get to the heart of the culture on that trip. However, that was over 10 years ago… from what I hear there is a growing number of tourism and I really hope to go back =D.